I’ve been on a journey to know Christ for as long as I can remember. I was baptized at ten years old at a retreat my church hosted at Tuscarora Inn. I realized that Jesus died for my sins on the cross. I asked God to forgive me and I asked Jesus to come into my heart as Lord and Savior. I knew I was a sinner in need of forgiveness, but at that time, I simply liked the idea of Jesus and definitely did not have the relationship I have with him today.
I don’t have many distinct memories from when I was younger, but I can tell you that I was a good brother, son, and student. I played nicely with Philip, cleaned the house for mom and dad, and kept my grades up. My house was a church, so we’d constantly have people over singing songs and talking about Jesus. I was either at Sunday school or handling the slides for the projector we mounted on a wall during that time. When not doing the slides, Ate Gaja would lead Sunday school in the basement, where we’d watch VeggieTales and Bible Man on a square television, and if we had extra time left, we would inflate the bouncy house for some playtime. Between memorizing Bible verses at Sunday school and singing praises with my dad in his car, I always heard and learned about Jesus. So I decided to proclaim my relationship with him publicly, allowing my pastor to dunk me into the Delaware River and emerge from the water with a new purpose, to grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ.
For the remainder of my education at P.S.29, I invited my classmates to my house for Sunday school and Jesus-themed parties. Unfortunately, the Word of God didn't stick with any of them, leaving me discouraged. And when I started school at I.S.239, I didn't invite many to church, and there were no more Jesus-themed parties. Middle school was completely different. My grades continued to excel, and I was still an obedient son, but I started to spend less time with my brother and began to hang out more with my new friends. Little did I know, however, that these non-believer middle school boys would be the start of me growing farther from God. They introduced me to cursing and pornography, which would soon become daily habits. It felt wrong every time I sinned, but that feeling faded as I indulged more. This forced me to attempt living out two lives, lifting my hands and raising my voice to praise God while simultaneously using the same hands and voice to satisfy my flesh.
This practice of a dual personality continued through my high school education, where I still managed good grades but started to rebel and argue with my parents and grew even farther from my brother, Philip. With my relationships at home falling apart, instead of turning back to God, I wanted to start something new. Toward the end of my junior year, I started to date a non-believer. Knowing that she did not follow Christ, my parents disapproved. So I tried to lead her toward a relationship with Jesus by reading the Bible and praying together. Unfortunately, instead of being a good influence on her, she started to influence me, and I started to compromise my faith to have a relationship with her, which definitely did not benefit my relationship with my parents as they witnessed me growing farther away from them and God.
We eventually broke up, leaving me with heartbreak and broken familial relationships, and on top of it, all my grades were now suffering as well. I realized that all the pain and suffering resulted from all my sins. The fact that my sins separated me from God led me to conclude that I was unworthy of being loved by Him. I believed the lie from the enemy that God could not use me because of my past. I grieved and condemned myself to this new identity, a sinful boy unworthy of a relationship with Jesus. Little did I know that soon, the Holy Spirit would dispel these lies and remind me of the remedy for my sin.
In June of this year, I was reminded by a friend that I had signed up for a retreat months prior. Focused on my excitement at the opportunity to hang out with friends, I could have never predicted what was next to come. God didn't waste any time, as even before we got to Tuscarora, I felt that the Holy Spirit was working in the kids on this bus. I joined in as we sang songs to the top of our lungs, singing praises from the early 2000s like “How He Loves Us” and “How Great is Our God.” God continued to reveal himself in our small group discussions, where we got real and talked about our current struggles and walk with Christ, and further in the sessions led by no other than Pastor Peter Montelongo. As he talked to us about having child-like faith, I was reminded of how passionate I was about reading his word, praising him in song, and sharing the gospel when I first accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior. The final night of the retreat was time for testimonies, and as we sat in a circle and talked about our walks with Christ, I listened to all these kids talk about their stories, sometimes through tears, of how they were struggling before this retreat, but God has now opened their eyes to His unfailing love. It got to my turn, and to be completely honest, I don’t recall exactly what I said, but in a sense, it didn't matter. What mattered was that I was finally opening up to God again.
I was reminded that God wants a relationship with me despite sinning. My sin separated me from God, but 1 John 1:9 states, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Reminded of the Good News I accepted at ten years old, I confessed and repented of my sins and accepted Jesus’ unfailing love for me. I wanted to know Him, grow in Him, and return to that child-like faith I once had, to come back to Jesus and realize my need for Him.
To restore my relationship with Christ, I knew I needed to fellowship with others, and with this newfound community of believers that I’ve acquainted myself with, I was not about to waste this opportunity. Following the testimonies, I encouraged my new friends to meet every Thursday over the summer for praise and fellowship to stay connected and keep each other accountable for growing in Christ. Although a community of believers was crucial, nothing would change without an intentional and intimate relationship with Jesus. Over the next few months, I developed a thirst for God’s Word every day and started to break down my old sinful habits.
Of course, our relationship with Christ doesn't transform us into sinless saints, as I still struggle with lust and swearing, but I am no longer a slave to my sin. Now, I find my identity in Christ alone, as a child of God, and not in anything else. My past sins or earthly possessions do not define who I am or anything else in this world. I strive to love God and show that love to others by sharing the Gospel. This church and community have been of immeasurable help to my relationship with Jesus, and I hope to continue to grow in Him and help others do the same as I continue to serve this church.